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BDSM can really work wonders for your relationship if you would like to introduce a bit of change (and maybe pain) into your bedroom activities. It can really be a welcome change from the vanilla sex that can do much to amp up the degree of lovemaking and make it more interesting.

What it means

BDSM basically consists of bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism & masochism (S&M). All this terminology is lumped in one catchall word so it means different things to different people.

The different roles are called dominants, submissives, tops, and bottoms

As their names suggest dominants like to be in charge and give orders while submissives get a thrill from following orders. But often, BDSM lingo could include the terms “top” and “bottom.” A top is a dominant or a sadist (someone who enjoys inflicting pain), while a bottom could refer to a submissive or a masochist (someone who enjoys receiving pain).

While these are blanket terms there are no hard and fast rules to BDSM. You can take turns to be a top or a bottom in diverse scenes and/or with different partners.

BDSM love doesn’t necessarily involve sex

While most would assume that a BDSM relationship involves sex, and though it obviously can but it can also be just about sensual dominance. For a BDSMer, it can be a powerful bodily experience without necessarily involving sex. In fact, you could look at a dominating relationship like a massage, it can feel sensual but it may or may not lead to a physical culmination. In this guide on BDSM for beginners, all we can say is that it boils down to personal and sexual inclination.

There is nothing wrong or perverse about it

Somehow BDSM seems to have acquired a nasty reputation. No, it does not stem from childhood abuse or domestic violence. The relationship between a dominating partner and submissive partner is not a violent one and definitely does not involve any form of abuse. It is just an alternative lifestyle, because different people have an intimate dynamic that’s quite unlike others.

Know that you can always say no

It really not an all-or-nothing scenario. All BDSMers have a BDSM safe word that is a secret code between the couple. If there’s something happening that you don’t consent to, simply use the safe word to put an end to whatever submissive or masochistic behaviors you don’t feel comfortable with.

Whips and chains might not be your game

If they are not your preferred toys, you might very well enjoy some other things that S&M enthusiasts use for sensual dominance. It’s more like the submissive partner agrees with whatever the dominating partner asks. There is no need to stick to an ideal model of a BDSM relationship – simply because one doesn’t exist.

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